Trauma Therapy in Tunbridge Wells

Bereavement Trauma

Losing someone is never easy, but how we grieve has a bearing on how we cope day to day. Grief, if not recognised or processed, can build up to a point that becomes unbearable for the sufferer, leading to depression, emotional outbursts, anger, deep sadness and loneliness, or a fear of going out due to the worry of being emotional in front of people. 

Bereavement counselling can offer a place for a grieving person to express the sometimes confusing feelings that go along with losing someone – feelings such as guilt, regret, loss, longing, but also relief. Losing someone who was a difficult presence in your life can also be hard because the feelings are not easily identifiable as those who have lost a dearly loved one.

Grief will also depend on how the death occurred – whether it was expected and prepared for, or sudden and unexpected, whether it was a young or old person, or even a much loved family pet. Grief takes all forms, and bereavement counselling takes that into account by supporting the grieving person in whatever feelings they are experiencing, and helping them understand and respect their own personal grieving process, which will always be individual to them and may not follow anyone else’s timeline.

Sexuality and Gender Trauma

Although someone’s right to identify and celebrate their own sexuality and gender identity has now been mostly recognised in today’s society, it can still be a difficult place to be for someone who does not have inner-confidence or the support of people around them.

Feelings of isolation, confusion, shame and anxiety can permeate the process of living as your own authentic self. Other people’s perceptions and opinions of how they want you to be can sometimes make the transition of coming into your own true self a daunting and frightening prospect, and sometimes a traumatic one.

Working with a counsellor who can see things from your point of view, who understands how you want to be seen, accepts you for who you are and helps you to feel comfortable in your own skin can be a life-changing experience.

Traumatic life events

When you experience a traumatic event, the impact can be long-lived. Instances of traumatic events include road traffic accidents, sudden illness and health problems such as a stroke, heart-attack or cancer, difficult or toxic relationships, divorce and separation (including betrayal trauma), being made redundant or being sacked, family estrangements or arguments, court and police proceedings to name but a few.

Many of these incidences create enormous feelings of anxiety which may end up being diagnosed as PTSD if it seriously impacts behaviour and day to day life. 

Finding ways to cope with anxiety and using practical counselling skills such as CBT and Mindfulness can help to ease symptoms of PTSD. Trauma counselling can also be a place to express anxiety, fears and frustrations, while coming to terms with how your life has changed and finding ways to adapt to new and difficult situations.

Childhood Trauma

Childhood is a vulnerable time as children are reliant on caregivers to give emotional and financial support as well as kind care and attention. However, some children find they are left significantly lacking in those areas – that could mean neglect, abandonment, domestic violence or sexual abuse, or experiencing a divorce or separation of parents, all of which can lead to feelings of being unloved, fear, panic, anxiety, anger, guilt, shame, withdrawal and depression. Witnessing a traumatic event or seeing domestic abuse also brings up these feelings for a child.

Having a parent or caregiver who has constantly given unkind or overtly critical messages to a child can also create trauma, leading to low-self esteem, self-loathing and can even trigger self-harm or suicidal thoughts.

Experiencing emotional or physical bullying by other children – either at school or by siblings, in person and online – can create huge feelings of isolation which can have an immense impact on mental health.

Anything that brings up feelings of fear, worry, anger or withdrawal in a child can have long-term consequences and can affect them growing up and far into adulthood, especially in relationships. Taking the step to address childhood trauma can be difficult but can also start the process of understanding what happened, and caring for that child that still exists within us as adults.

Abuse

Abuse can include any type of emotional, physical or sexual abuse such as bullying, rape, assault, domestic violence and coercive controlling relationships.

Abuse can trigger varying feelings including extreme fear, anger, low self-esteem, feeling unloved or unworthy or feelings of shame that can affect relationships or sociability and lead to depression. It can also lead to anxiety which can include panic attacks, uncontrollable emotional outbursts, fear of going out, spiralling thinking and insomnia.

Trauma therapy can help survivors of abuse to come to terms with what has happened to them. Many survivors find they have never spoken about the circumstances, leading to compounded feelings which take root and affect all aspects of their lives. Trauma counselling can gently help to express complex feelings and also start to recognise the resilience it takes to survive abuse.

Suicide

Losing someone to suicide can be extremely traumatic. Feelings of helplessness, of not having been able to help, of not having had the chance to say goodbye can be compounded with feelings of guilt, shame and anger along with terrible loss and loneliness.

Equally, feeling suicidal can be a very lonely place to be. Feeling unsupported with no one to turn to, feeling hopeless and desperate can mean the world turns into a very dark place. Suicide can sometimes feel like the only option, a comforting safety-net when everything becomes too much. 

Counselling for suicide means you are able to speak to someone who will not judge you for wanting to end your life, someone who will be there for you, week in, week out, as a reliable person who you can trust to listen to your thoughts and feelings, and walk with you side by side in the darkness.