LightHearts UK Free Online Mental Wellbeing Course Week 1

Dealing with anxiety, panic & overwhelming feelings

by Liz Axham & Kat Jezzard-Puyraud

When you suffer from stress, anxiety or depression it’s really hard to know where to start when you’re looking for a solution. Everything seems either too overwhelming, or too much like hard work or takes up too much time.

So to help you on your way, we’re going to break things down into easy bite-size portions and provide you with all the tools you’re going to need to put yourself back together. Because that’s what it feels like when you’re going through bad times. It’s like parts of yourself are either broken, lost, rusty or totally clapped out. So this week we’re going to show you how to assess the stuff that needs fixing and make a plan to start putting yourself back together.

IMPORTANT POINT: Don’t feel you have to do the course in a rigid methodical manner. You can skip weeks, you can jump back. Don’t set yourself up to fail by having an unrealistic goal of finishing the whole course in 10 weeks. Just try to do one little thing a day. Something is better than nothing. But if you do more, then you are guaranteed to start feeling better. Just be kind to yourself through this and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t manage it.

So - the first thing we’re going to ask you to do is to get a notebook. Every day just write one simple paragraph about how you feel. If you don’t like writing much just do it in bullet points. Here’s an example:

I feel rubbish today
I’m so tired I can hardly get out of bed
All I want to do is watch back to back Game of Thrones under my duvet
I would eat a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s but I can’t make it to the shops
I hate writing in a diary

Even if that’s all you do, at least it’s an accurate portrayal of how you feel in that moment. Just expressing yourself on paper, even in the smallest of gestures, is alleviating some of that stuff from your brain and putting it somewhere else instead of letting it go around and around your head.

Every week we’ll have a couple of questions for you to answer in your notebook and you might find that in answering them that some issues might arise for you. You can explore those feelings by writing about it so you can start to make sense of WHY you're feeling the way you do and what triggers those feelings.

But please DON’T read your notebook back to yourself. Every day is a new day. Don’t revisit your daily entries. Just forge ahead.

Some people find it good to start their day with a bit of writing to get it all off their chest so it doesn’t burden the rest of the day. Others like to do it in the evening or just before bed, when perhaps the worries that keep them up at night can be expressed and then put away in a drawer. However or whenever you do it, just try your best to do it.

Breathe Easy

The best technique to help calm yourself is to concentrate on your breathing. Breathing is something we take for granted. But if you’ve ever suffered from a panic attack then you’ll know all too well that feeling of not being able to get enough oxygen or feeling like you’re about to suffocate.

Whether you suffer from panic attacks of not, breathing properly and deeply can bring about a host of relaxing benefits. Most of us go through our day breathing in a very shallow manner, before the oxygen has time to really expand our lungs. But if we breathe deeply then it not only helps our internal organs to function, it can also relax our minds.

We’re going to show you a few different breathing techniques over the coming weeks. By the end of the course, you’ll be able to choose the one that works best for you. You can then use them throughout your life, not only to help you relax or get you out of a panicky situation, but as a way of treating your whole body to the gift of oxygen and energy.

Scientifically speaking, there is a very easy way of telling your brain to de-stress using breathing exercises. If you breathe through your nose deeply and then exhale very slowly (and make sure it’s a few seconds longer than your inhaling breath) then a powerful nerve called the vagus sends a signal to your brain to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system which helps us relax. So just by inhaling through your nose and then exhaling slowly through your mouth for a few beats longer, your brain will automatically balance out your stress levels. How easy is that!?

Basic Breathing Technique

To give you an idea of the breathing techniques that are used, below is an animated sequence which will help you begin breathing more deeply. It’s a picture of a shape folding and unfolding, and by synchronising your breathing to this shape you’ll be able to breathe in a guided, rhythmic fashion.

All you need to do is this:

1. As the shape folds out - breathe deeply in through your nostrils.

2. As the shape collapses, blow the air out loudly through your mouth.

Give it several goes and see how you feel afterwards. Then try breathing in a similar slow rhythm but without the picture.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

One way to get your mind to relax is to relax your body first. Progressive muscle relaxation is a tried and tested technique of getting your muscles to release tension first which then naturally brings on the effect of relaxing your mind.

Our bodies reveal a lot about the tension we’re feeling inside. When we’re anxious or stressed our shoulders rise up and the areas around our neck become tense. There are a few muscles which take the full force of this like our shoulder and neck muscles where we end up getting big knots and masses of muscle tension. Our facial muscles also take a big hit when we’re stressed, especially if we’re grinding our teeth or tensing our jaws which can go on to cause tension headaches.

When we’re depressed however, another set of muscles come under strain. If our shoulders are slumped, the rest of our body slumps and this causes bad posture. Some people find other bits of their body tensing when they’re anxious. For instance their toes or hands or their thighs. Everyone has an individual way of holding tension in their bodies.

Take a moment to just focus on your body. Can you identify where you’re feeling tense? Are there areas that particularly ache or feel sore? Just isolate an area of tension, and see if you can make a conscious effort to relax those muscles. Say the word 'relax' to yourself as you do it, as if you're speaking directly to your muscles. After trying this for a few minutes, see how your posture changes or how your body softens.

Kat's Mental Fixit for Tension

“I have a habit of clenching my jaw and hunching my shoulders when I’m anxious. If I’m feeling fearful or worried, I just take a moment to try and de-clench my teeth and lower my shoulders. I roll my shoulders a bit and open and close my mouth a few times to just release that tension. This quick technique reminds me that when I worry not only does my mental wellbeing suffer, but my body suffers too. So to help me, I picture the face of someone serene (like a Buddha or a cat in the sunshine) and I try and soften my face to mirror that type of serene look. By concentrating on something physical it actually takes my mind off my mental state and I begin to calm down."

To help you find a way to release the tension from all around your body, we have an audio clip for you of a Progressive Muscle Relaxation Meditation. Just lie back and listen to the guided meditation which will list the areas of your body and help you to lessen the tension in those muscles.

Liz’s Mental Fixit for Anxiety & Panic

"When you're anxious or panicky about doing something, the easiest thing to say is 'Stuff it, I can't face it, I’m not doing it'. But often this means we just feel guilty & rubbish or that when we definitely have to face this situation, it's twice as hard. A useful method I use to push through my anxiety and become more able to do things rather than avoid them, is to unpick some of the reasons I’m anxious and grade how anxious I actually am: 0 = No anxiety 10 = the most anxious I could be.

When you’re in the midst of the situation and you feel yourself getting anxious, just try and stop for a moment and grade your anxiousness (this process in itself distances yourself from the anxiety). And try to remember that however your body and mind feels in that moment and remember this is temporary. It will pass, sometimes in a matter of minutes, and it doesn't have to control you and what you do. This is what I try and do every time I feel anxious.

Then later on when I'm calmer, I try and analyse that experience. I think back to it, and write it down - perhaps there are actually some parts of the situation that I COULD do? I describe the situation in as much detail as possible. So for example, rather than just saying “socialising” I try to think about what part of socialising provokes anxiety. So I would write:

Making small talk with strangers
Having to eat in front of others at a dinner party whilst trying to sound interesting
Worrying that I’ll say something stupid that will make the whole room go quiet

Then I put a rating on how much anxiety being in that situation is likely to generate for me. 0 = No anxiety 10 = the most anxious I could be. Then I break down the parts of the situation and when I feel ready, I see if I can work through it by doing the least anxious part first. I could for instance agree to go to a buffet style party with a friend first, rather than a sit down dinner just to get myself more accustomed. And if that went ok then I could agree to go to a sit-down dinner but only if I had a person seated next to me that I knew well. And so on.

Don’t worry if you can’t tackle every situation just yet. After our 10 weeks, hopefully you will feel ready. But if you do manage to get through a difficult situation before that, take time to acknowledge that you DID IT! And then move onto the next thing on your list. As anxious people we always start off saying: “I can't do it, I can't cope with that, I'm not strong enough” But the more evidence you build up to challenge your anxious thoughts, the more you will be able to change those thoughts to “I DID do it, I DID cope and I AM strong enough!”

Escape Your Worries

When you’re feeling rubbish, the only thing you want to do is escape. Escape from your situation, your mind, your body, your environment. But when you’re stuck – either due to ill health, money issues, work or family commitments – then you have to think of another way to escape. Many people choose books, TV, others choose booze, drugs, food (guilty!) or other more crazy ways of escaping.

Whether they be tame or extreme, these are all quick fixes. The book comes to an end, the TV show finishes and the booze and drugs wear off to leave us with a whopping headache. One thing we can rely on, which is constantly with us, is our imagination. Even when we’re at our worst, our imaginations can fire on all cylinders. Sometimes to our detriment. For example, imagining our own funerals; imagining how it would feel to punch your ex in the face; imagining how it will feel to tell our bosses to shove it.

The trick is to be able to use our imaginations in a more productive way by imagining situations or places that arouse pleasant relaxing feelings (rather than fist-clenching angry ones).

Below is an audio that should help get you in the right frame of mind. It’s a favourite with our relaxation groups and leaves everyone with a feeling of lightness and dreaminess. Make sure you try this one in a quiet moment. Give yourself some time and space to really let the words guide you into a different place.

Liz's Tips for Anxiety

Now take a look at some top tips Liz has compiled for you in case you need a little extra help to get you through this first week.

Remember – feeling anxious is a normal physiological reaction to stress. It is our bodies’ way of trying to protect us from danger. So whatever reaction you get from stress, your body is actually just doing its job. But you have to find ways of trying to make it understand that it’s not in any real danger.
Remember to grade your level of anxiety on a scale – 10 being the worst you have ever felt & 0 being no anxiety. You might find that you’re feeling less anxious than you realised.
Anxiety and panicky feelings WILL pass – they come in waves. Try to tell yourself that this is just a temporary feeling that will pass.
Start to moderate your breathing by doing the breathing exercises.
Thinking about what MIGHT happen is unhelpful. Focus on what is happening right now in this moment. You are safe. You are going to be okay. You can cope. You have got through this before. This will be over soon.
Accept how you are feeling and name it. For instance: “I’m feeling anxious right now. This is why my body feels this way. I feel sick. I feel sweaty. My heart is beating fast. But I'm ok. I'm still breathing. Nothing terrible will happen. I'm just feeling anxious. It's ok. It will pass."
Try to stay in the situation you are in. Avoiding it now will make it twice as hard next time. Use your grading system to consider whether you can actually get through it. Is it as bad as it could be or can I try to tolerate it a little longer?
Consciously relax your tense muscles – usually the neck and shoulders carry most of your anxiety. Roll your head around your shoulders slowly.
BREATHE. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out slowly from your mouth. Just keep breathing deeply until the worst of your anxiety passes…
When you're feeling calmer, read our special article about how this interesting cold water technique can have results in helping both anxiety and depression.

The Week Ahead

Each week we’re going to set you a bit of work to do at home. (We refuse to say “homework” because that has negative connotations.) You don’t have to do any of these suggestions religiously and don’t set yourself up for failure by laying down unrealistic targets for yourself. Just do as little or as much as you want to.

So over the next week we’d like you to:

1: Try and write in your notebook every day. Here’s some questions that might help you make a start:

What things would you categorise as triggering stress or anxiety? If you can’t think of anything, just write of an experience you’ve had that’s caused you stress. Or think about what times of day make you most anxious? How do you know when you’re stressed? What parts of your body hold stress – tense shoulders, bad back, clenched teeth? What is your behaviour like when you’re stressed?

Make a list of situations that make you anxious and grade them using Liz’s 0-10 grading system. If you’re feeling brave, perhaps try and break down the situation and try part of it. If you don’t feel ready yet, just write down the situation and grade it.

2. Try to practise the breathing exercise every day. Try it with the picture for a couple of goes and then try it without the picture. Perhaps have a go at practising it at different times of the day and in different situations – maybe if you’re in a waiting room, or in the queue for the supermarket.

3. Practise the Progressive Muscle Meditation every day. Try it with the guided meditation. And then see if you can try and relax your muscles on your own in different situations. Perhaps if you’re at work or at the doctor’s surgery or even just watching the TV.

4. Listen to the Cloud Imagery meditation every day. As well as doing that, have a go at imagining pleasant environments for yourself. Maybe imagine sitting in a room where you feel safe and calm. Or sitting peacefully in a place of nature. Whatever it is, practise escaping into these imaginary worlds whenever you start feeling stressed.

5. Take a look at the website by mental health charity Mind which has lots of great advice and support. Here's the link: www.mind.org.uk

6. Watch this clip by Robert Litman, who speaks about the relationship between breathing and anxiety and demonstrates breathing exercises:

So once you've done this week's course, just check back in on the website in a week's time for Week 2. And of course you can share this course with anyone you think might benefit from some TLC for their mental wellbeing. Our aim is to try and reach everyone who suffers from stress, anxiety or low mood so please help us in our mission to change lives!

But please note – we can’t give out specialist advice for individuals so please don’t email us personally. We’d love to be able to help you all, but unfortunately it’s simply not possible. We do have a list of specialist helplines that deal with mental health issues or problems that impact on mental wellbeing, so take a look at our HELPLINE page to see whether you could benefit from their specialist advice. Or if you’re feeling in desperate need, please get in touch with your doctor or emergency services.

So until next week, we hope that you stay safe and calm and we wish you all the very best with the week ahead…

Kat and Liz x

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